Tekken: Blood Vengeance, not worth a review

Tekken Blood Vengeance is the latest film adaptation of the Tekken fighting game series. created by a combination of the team that worked on the last two games and distributed by Namco Bandai Blood Vengeance looked like it could have righted the wrongs of the video game films that came before it.

Having just returned from the US opening a “special” one night event I am here to tell you, they missed the mark.

Tekken blood vengeance will be one of those movies that Gamers buy upon it’s Blu Ray release for the inclusion of the Teken Tag Tournament bonuses but the actual film gets relegated to drinking nights as a hilarious background distraction. I don’t feel as though I am overstepping the mark when I say that the English dub of Blood Vengeance is the single worst dialogue massacre I have had the privilege to witness. Gems that set the entire audience into uncontrollable laughter include:

“I was on the bench and he ended up right on top of me!. . . . It happened so fast!”

And a line coming from Shin Kamiya upon being united with Heihachi, Kazuya and Jin, that is perhaps destined to enter the unintentionally gay hall of fame:

“You want my body. . I will unleash the demon inside of you. . . . . . . . . .   I’ll take you both on, but I know I won’t last long.”

There were more too, things that the original Japanese language track couldn’t have saved, the complete lack of quality fight sequences being the worst offender, there were only really two hand to hand combat sequences in the whole film, the first being the opening sequence between Nina and Anna which ultimately led nowhere and the second being a 3 way free for all fought by Jin, Kazuya and Heihachi which between the frenetic pace, the unnecessary over-editing and the poorly implemented 3D was so visually confusing that it became joyless. The other action sequences were dominated by the jet boosted android antics of Alyssa and a bafflingly out of place “Epic” showdown between Jin and Kazuya in their devil forms. All punctuated by what I could only assume to be a wildly misplaced Godzilla homage.

No this isn’t the Tekken movie fans were hoping for, this was an exercise in the worst kind of Shojo Manga high-school melodrama with the tiniest of glimpses at what could have been an enjoyable actioner. Unbelievably coming from the people that built the game on which it’s based Tekken Blood Vengeance missed the point in grand fashion. Thankfully you need not worry about avoiding it as it won’t be released again until November but if you wanted to know whether or not to look forward to it? you have your answer.

If you want to watch a film that actually succeeds at being a Martial Arts movie in this day and age, check out Undisputed III

-Expatriategamer

The First Avenger

Thanks to the latest midnight opening at my local theatre I have just returned from Marvel studios’ Captain America: The first avenger. And I consider it, despite it’s few faults; to be the best of Marvels in-house adaptations so far, the key in my eyes is reverence and authenticity, here we have a tale of Caps origins that waxes on the human stories behind the mask a little more than the other Avengers lead ups would prepare you for, and because the creative team decided to ground the films fantastical nature in the reality in which it’s based you shouldn’t have any problem suspending your disbelief.

Captain America spends nearly the entire narrative in the years during WWII (the right decision) following the journey of Steve Rogers from scrawny enlisted man-wannabe through proving himself and the super soldier procedure to his nation and allies up to being the American hero most of us are familiar with, there is a present day intro and foot note that ties this film neatly into the Avengers universerse that made me even more ready for the assembly in 2012.

To expand on my praise for the aforementioned authenticity and reverence it is best displayed in the treatment of Caps costume, while the final choice for the majority of the film is not perfect, once it is donned for the first time you have had so much lead up and nods to previous visual incarnations of the Captain that it seems like a fair trade, at no time was my immersion broken by anachronistic sillyness that didn’t work in context. Which for a film containing giant Nazi Laser Tanks. . . . is a worthy feat on its own.

The action works, the supporting characters are charming and enjoyable to watch, Hugo Weaving is a wonderful villain as always. His performance here is no stretch for his skill but delivery and presence is right on the money,  the overarching plot although brief and relatively simple works great amongst the other films, especially Thor, Chris Evans looks phenomenal out of costume bringing a ridiculous physique that lends the athletic and combative feats of Cap a little more visual weight which never hurts.

There are some lesser qualities, The final design of the main suit being chief among them, it works better in the film then it does in the screen caps and production photos but I would’ve preferred to see some scale mail. The degree of US patriotic symbolism and themes should be expected going into the film and fit perfectly for the character and perspective but may be jarring for some international viewers not accustomed to it.

All in all an excellent installment in the Avengers continuity, a great action blockbuster for most of the family with a decent bit of heart thrown in for good measure, Marvel continues to show us how to make a comic adaptation. Make sure you stick around for the post-credits goodness that we are now used to, with the added bonus of a full length Avengers trailer that brought plenty of cheering and applause from an obviously pleased crowd.

Go see it. you won’t regret it.

-Expatriategamer

Deus ex furtim

It appears that a sneaky Italian citizen has gotten their hot little hands on the “press demo” of this years highly anticipated Deus Ex sequel, Human Revolution. For once from the sound of the breach detailed at Patent Arcade we aren’t talking a shadowy organisation of highly skilled militant hackers, oh no, simply an employee of an Italian game magazine probably saw a company email and snapped up the details of the release, they might have even downloaded it from their home pc.

Square Enix provided the unpublished press demo, which usually includes multiple hours of gameplay intending to preview the content of the full game to 3rd parties commonly as basis for a pre-release review. So we aren’t talking a chopped down tantalising tid bit to earn your interest and money but an unpublished version that is the closest thing to the full game that anyone will see before August 23rd. I can only hope that when this reaches the torrent circuit (if it hasn’t already) that it will be tracked as diligently by US ISPs as the released episodes of Game of Thrones.

I adore the work that has gone into Human Revolution, and can only imagine the frustration this sort of thing engenders in the dev team, not the publishers, for them it’s simply potential losses (can’t imagine this will have that big of a dent) it’s the artists, animators and game designers that my heart bleeds for.

If you really want to support the studio on this one, don’t bother with the “Augmented” edition available here in the states, you want the real collectors edition, available only in “select European countries” I could only find the PC CE from Amazon.de and eBay, but they can be found for the consoles more readily if that’s what floats your boat:

Now that is more like it, I recently purchased the Play Arts Kai Big Boss from the Peace Walker line up and it rocks, so this was a no brainer for me. the rest of the content looks good as well, I am a sucker for the design from Human Revolution so far which gives that art book a little extra value to boot.

Ironic that a game whose cyberpunk setting gives us the opportunity to play as a spec ops hacker ends up being illegally obtained and distributed in such a garden variety way. A highly trained rogue ex-GIS agent infiltrating the magazine offices and securing the files would have been much more appropriate.

-Expatriategamer