Crescendo fulfillment – The Avengers trailer

Finally a solid look at what we will inevitably be the highest grossing film of 2012. It needs no introduction, it’s the full Avengers trailer, just watch.

I was slightly taken a back as the opening of the trailer looked so very Michael Bay. Exploding cars, modern military personnel, closed in streets etc. but then we hear the opening riffs of We’re In This Together Now and it all starts getting better, admittedly I was less impressed than I wanted to be by this trailer but coming from someone who almost didn’t want to watch Captain America based on it’s trailer, well suffice to say I am incredibly excited.

Oh and Hawkeye? quick release, tactical composite bow? you’re just teasing me now.

-Expatriategamer

 

One reason the new Conan won’t be as good as it could have

Jody Samson. Not a name you are likely to be familiar with unless you are a huge sword/movie/fantasy nerd, he was responsible for many things in his time, one was designing and creating an armory of incredible fantasy swords with an attention to detail and a unique hand built quality that would have been worthy of any ancient sword and sorcery craftsman. Another was creating the Iconic swords from John Milius’ Conan The Barbarian in 1982. Seen below; these swords made such an impact on audiences that they are still being reproduced and sold today. They were an incredible amalgamation of weapon and artwork that along with Basil Poledouris’ amazing score are part of why 1982’s Conan is so beloved.

Some of Jody Samsons best and most well known work

Fast forward 29 years and a rebooted Conan The Barbarian has just been released. despite not having seen it yet I wanted to provide insight on what is to me one of the most glaring oversights in the new films production, The Sword. New Conan claims to be based more directly on the works of Robert E. Howard which could be a blessing if handled with the gravitas and reverence that his source material deserves. (But I will reserve that post for after I get back from the movie later today) Swordsmanship in western film is sadly lacking in authenticity, outside a handful of men working in this specific field on movies like the LOTR trilogy, The Princess Bride, Rob Roy, The Duellists and most recently Game of Thrones, most swords shown in film are reproductions of historical pieces and for a good reason, Even for skilled draftsmen unless they have some idea of the design fundamentals most attempts to create a sword for the screen end up like this:

Some of the worst offenders of ignorant sword design. From left to right: Kull the Conqueror (not sooo bad) 300 (great movie, awful swords) King Arthur (one of the worst movies for martial anachronisms) and Eragon (shudder)

While not as obviously awful from a functional standpoint as those above, here are a few productions stills illustrating what I am so concerned about:

What the hell!?

So what!? I hear you say? well yes, it’s fullered, has a decent pommel and a “simple” crossguard, but the proportions! it’s the proportions of those features that blow this little prop into an oblivion of inaccuracy, Why is it hilted as a two handed weapon? why is the crossguard so tall and wide? and why is the blade so short!?

I can only assume there was never a full steel practical model of this built, let alone used by anyone with a deeper understanding of sword technique, as just looking at it I see badly hurt wrists and a weapon with all it’s weight distributed about the guards center. Now I can forgive ignorance, but I do believe just a little bit more research could have saved overly analytical geeks like me from posts like this. Considering the prevailing impression I always get from REH’s Conan is one of simplicity and ruggedness; this badly inflated longsword just seems wildly out of place. I will go on the record as saying I don’t like the decorative accoutrements or the choice in materials either, it looks hammered rather than polished/ground and the gold embellishments just aren’t working for me. Now with all that in mind, sticking as close to the original design features as I could stomach I wanted to provide the internet with some alternatives to show what could have been, first a rendition of the new sword for comparison:

Blegh, Thank God my render was overly generous, it looks better here than it does in the stills

And my examples of hardware that wouldn’t have caused anywhere near as much trouble:

Ahhhhhh, much better

See? easy. From left to right: Two Handed, Single handed and a Hand & a half. Now while probably not perfectly realistic or practical, these variations are a damn sight closer to what I wanted to see Conan wielding in the film. I stuck with the same overall features as I wanted to show that even under strict design requirements there was still room for improvement, again I understand not every good concept artist has a second clue about sword design but if you are running short on ideas, give me a call next time yeah?

-Expatriategamer

Tekken: Blood Vengeance, not worth a review

Tekken Blood Vengeance is the latest film adaptation of the Tekken fighting game series. created by a combination of the team that worked on the last two games and distributed by Namco Bandai Blood Vengeance looked like it could have righted the wrongs of the video game films that came before it.

Having just returned from the US opening a “special” one night event I am here to tell you, they missed the mark.

Tekken blood vengeance will be one of those movies that Gamers buy upon it’s Blu Ray release for the inclusion of the Teken Tag Tournament bonuses but the actual film gets relegated to drinking nights as a hilarious background distraction. I don’t feel as though I am overstepping the mark when I say that the English dub of Blood Vengeance is the single worst dialogue massacre I have had the privilege to witness. Gems that set the entire audience into uncontrollable laughter include:

“I was on the bench and he ended up right on top of me!. . . . It happened so fast!”

And a line coming from Shin Kamiya upon being united with Heihachi, Kazuya and Jin, that is perhaps destined to enter the unintentionally gay hall of fame:

“You want my body. . I will unleash the demon inside of you. . . . . . . . . .   I’ll take you both on, but I know I won’t last long.”

There were more too, things that the original Japanese language track couldn’t have saved, the complete lack of quality fight sequences being the worst offender, there were only really two hand to hand combat sequences in the whole film, the first being the opening sequence between Nina and Anna which ultimately led nowhere and the second being a 3 way free for all fought by Jin, Kazuya and Heihachi which between the frenetic pace, the unnecessary over-editing and the poorly implemented 3D was so visually confusing that it became joyless. The other action sequences were dominated by the jet boosted android antics of Alyssa and a bafflingly out of place “Epic” showdown between Jin and Kazuya in their devil forms. All punctuated by what I could only assume to be a wildly misplaced Godzilla homage.

No this isn’t the Tekken movie fans were hoping for, this was an exercise in the worst kind of Shojo Manga high-school melodrama with the tiniest of glimpses at what could have been an enjoyable actioner. Unbelievably coming from the people that built the game on which it’s based Tekken Blood Vengeance missed the point in grand fashion. Thankfully you need not worry about avoiding it as it won’t be released again until November but if you wanted to know whether or not to look forward to it? you have your answer.

If you want to watch a film that actually succeeds at being a Martial Arts movie in this day and age, check out Undisputed III

-Expatriategamer

The First Avenger

Thanks to the latest midnight opening at my local theatre I have just returned from Marvel studios’ Captain America: The first avenger. And I consider it, despite it’s few faults; to be the best of Marvels in-house adaptations so far, the key in my eyes is reverence and authenticity, here we have a tale of Caps origins that waxes on the human stories behind the mask a little more than the other Avengers lead ups would prepare you for, and because the creative team decided to ground the films fantastical nature in the reality in which it’s based you shouldn’t have any problem suspending your disbelief.

Captain America spends nearly the entire narrative in the years during WWII (the right decision) following the journey of Steve Rogers from scrawny enlisted man-wannabe through proving himself and the super soldier procedure to his nation and allies up to being the American hero most of us are familiar with, there is a present day intro and foot note that ties this film neatly into the Avengers universerse that made me even more ready for the assembly in 2012.

To expand on my praise for the aforementioned authenticity and reverence it is best displayed in the treatment of Caps costume, while the final choice for the majority of the film is not perfect, once it is donned for the first time you have had so much lead up and nods to previous visual incarnations of the Captain that it seems like a fair trade, at no time was my immersion broken by anachronistic sillyness that didn’t work in context. Which for a film containing giant Nazi Laser Tanks. . . . is a worthy feat on its own.

The action works, the supporting characters are charming and enjoyable to watch, Hugo Weaving is a wonderful villain as always. His performance here is no stretch for his skill but delivery and presence is right on the money,  the overarching plot although brief and relatively simple works great amongst the other films, especially Thor, Chris Evans looks phenomenal out of costume bringing a ridiculous physique that lends the athletic and combative feats of Cap a little more visual weight which never hurts.

There are some lesser qualities, The final design of the main suit being chief among them, it works better in the film then it does in the screen caps and production photos but I would’ve preferred to see some scale mail. The degree of US patriotic symbolism and themes should be expected going into the film and fit perfectly for the character and perspective but may be jarring for some international viewers not accustomed to it.

All in all an excellent installment in the Avengers continuity, a great action blockbuster for most of the family with a decent bit of heart thrown in for good measure, Marvel continues to show us how to make a comic adaptation. Make sure you stick around for the post-credits goodness that we are now used to, with the added bonus of a full length Avengers trailer that brought plenty of cheering and applause from an obviously pleased crowd.

Go see it. you won’t regret it.

-Expatriategamer

The Rise begins.

The first official teaser shot for The Dark Knight Rises has hit the net after being “decrypted” through the hard work of many an internet detective sorting the clues from what has been the first stage in the upcoming films viral marketing campaign. it’s a rather moody shot of Tom Hardy as Bane seen above; it’s early days but I like where this is going, we aren’t seeing the classic Lucha Libre inspired mask which seems to fit well both with the visual tone of Nolans mythos and the casting choice for Bane himself, whether we will see a Hispanic back story for Hardy’s Bane is yet to be seen but what ever the choice I expect it to work with the overall feel of what will be the final of Christian Bales Batman films.

Before I sign off I do want to commend the design of the mask, it keeps the lines that we recognise from the comics, with an added functional feel. Appearing to be half re-breather and half gas mask the design speaks to a vaporised delivery of the performance enhancing venom rather than the bright green liquid that is so often associated with Bane. A fine choice Mr. Nolan and Crew.

Now bring on the Selina Kyle teaser am I right?

-Expatriategamer