One reason the new Conan won’t be as good as it could have

Jody Samson. Not a name you are likely to be familiar with unless you are a huge sword/movie/fantasy nerd, he was responsible for many things in his time, one was designing and creating an armory of incredible fantasy swords with an attention to detail and a unique hand built quality that would have been worthy of any ancient sword and sorcery craftsman. Another was creating the Iconic swords from John Milius’ Conan The Barbarian in 1982. Seen below; these swords made such an impact on audiences that they are still being reproduced and sold today. They were an incredible amalgamation of weapon and artwork that along with Basil Poledouris’ amazing score are part of why 1982’s Conan is so beloved.

Some of Jody Samsons best and most well known work

Fast forward 29 years and a rebooted Conan The Barbarian has just been released. despite not having seen it yet I wanted to provide insight on what is to me one of the most glaring oversights in the new films production, The Sword. New Conan claims to be based more directly on the works of Robert E. Howard which could be a blessing if handled with the gravitas and reverence that his source material deserves. (But I will reserve that post for after I get back from the movie later today) Swordsmanship in western film is sadly lacking in authenticity, outside a handful of men working in this specific field on movies like the LOTR trilogy, The Princess Bride, Rob Roy, The Duellists and most recently Game of Thrones, most swords shown in film are reproductions of historical pieces and for a good reason, Even for skilled draftsmen unless they have some idea of the design fundamentals most attempts to create a sword for the screen end up like this:

Some of the worst offenders of ignorant sword design. From left to right: Kull the Conqueror (not sooo bad) 300 (great movie, awful swords) King Arthur (one of the worst movies for martial anachronisms) and Eragon (shudder)

While not as obviously awful from a functional standpoint as those above, here are a few productions stills illustrating what I am so concerned about:

What the hell!?

So what!? I hear you say? well yes, it’s fullered, has a decent pommel and a “simple” crossguard, but the proportions! it’s the proportions of those features that blow this little prop into an oblivion of inaccuracy, Why is it hilted as a two handed weapon? why is the crossguard so tall and wide? and why is the blade so short!?

I can only assume there was never a full steel practical model of this built, let alone used by anyone with a deeper understanding of sword technique, as just looking at it I see badly hurt wrists and a weapon with all it’s weight distributed about the guards center. Now I can forgive ignorance, but I do believe just a little bit more research could have saved overly analytical geeks like me from posts like this. Considering the prevailing impression I always get from REH’s Conan is one of simplicity and ruggedness; this badly inflated longsword just seems wildly out of place. I will go on the record as saying I don’t like the decorative accoutrements or the choice in materials either, it looks hammered rather than polished/ground and the gold embellishments just aren’t working for me. Now with all that in mind, sticking as close to the original design features as I could stomach I wanted to provide the internet with some alternatives to show what could have been, first a rendition of the new sword for comparison:

Blegh, Thank God my render was overly generous, it looks better here than it does in the stills

And my examples of hardware that wouldn’t have caused anywhere near as much trouble:

Ahhhhhh, much better

See? easy. From left to right: Two Handed, Single handed and a Hand & a half. Now while probably not perfectly realistic or practical, these variations are a damn sight closer to what I wanted to see Conan wielding in the film. I stuck with the same overall features as I wanted to show that even under strict design requirements there was still room for improvement, again I understand not every good concept artist has a second clue about sword design but if you are running short on ideas, give me a call next time yeah?

-Expatriategamer

The First Avenger

Thanks to the latest midnight opening at my local theatre I have just returned from Marvel studios’ Captain America: The first avenger. And I consider it, despite it’s few faults; to be the best of Marvels in-house adaptations so far, the key in my eyes is reverence and authenticity, here we have a tale of Caps origins that waxes on the human stories behind the mask a little more than the other Avengers lead ups would prepare you for, and because the creative team decided to ground the films fantastical nature in the reality in which it’s based you shouldn’t have any problem suspending your disbelief.

Captain America spends nearly the entire narrative in the years during WWII (the right decision) following the journey of Steve Rogers from scrawny enlisted man-wannabe through proving himself and the super soldier procedure to his nation and allies up to being the American hero most of us are familiar with, there is a present day intro and foot note that ties this film neatly into the Avengers universerse that made me even more ready for the assembly in 2012.

To expand on my praise for the aforementioned authenticity and reverence it is best displayed in the treatment of Caps costume, while the final choice for the majority of the film is not perfect, once it is donned for the first time you have had so much lead up and nods to previous visual incarnations of the Captain that it seems like a fair trade, at no time was my immersion broken by anachronistic sillyness that didn’t work in context. Which for a film containing giant Nazi Laser Tanks. . . . is a worthy feat on its own.

The action works, the supporting characters are charming and enjoyable to watch, Hugo Weaving is a wonderful villain as always. His performance here is no stretch for his skill but delivery and presence is right on the money,  the overarching plot although brief and relatively simple works great amongst the other films, especially Thor, Chris Evans looks phenomenal out of costume bringing a ridiculous physique that lends the athletic and combative feats of Cap a little more visual weight which never hurts.

There are some lesser qualities, The final design of the main suit being chief among them, it works better in the film then it does in the screen caps and production photos but I would’ve preferred to see some scale mail. The degree of US patriotic symbolism and themes should be expected going into the film and fit perfectly for the character and perspective but may be jarring for some international viewers not accustomed to it.

All in all an excellent installment in the Avengers continuity, a great action blockbuster for most of the family with a decent bit of heart thrown in for good measure, Marvel continues to show us how to make a comic adaptation. Make sure you stick around for the post-credits goodness that we are now used to, with the added bonus of a full length Avengers trailer that brought plenty of cheering and applause from an obviously pleased crowd.

Go see it. you won’t regret it.

-Expatriategamer

Deus ex furtim

It appears that a sneaky Italian citizen has gotten their hot little hands on the “press demo” of this years highly anticipated Deus Ex sequel, Human Revolution. For once from the sound of the breach detailed at Patent Arcade we aren’t talking a shadowy organisation of highly skilled militant hackers, oh no, simply an employee of an Italian game magazine probably saw a company email and snapped up the details of the release, they might have even downloaded it from their home pc.

Square Enix provided the unpublished press demo, which usually includes multiple hours of gameplay intending to preview the content of the full game to 3rd parties commonly as basis for a pre-release review. So we aren’t talking a chopped down tantalising tid bit to earn your interest and money but an unpublished version that is the closest thing to the full game that anyone will see before August 23rd. I can only hope that when this reaches the torrent circuit (if it hasn’t already) that it will be tracked as diligently by US ISPs as the released episodes of Game of Thrones.

I adore the work that has gone into Human Revolution, and can only imagine the frustration this sort of thing engenders in the dev team, not the publishers, for them it’s simply potential losses (can’t imagine this will have that big of a dent) it’s the artists, animators and game designers that my heart bleeds for.

If you really want to support the studio on this one, don’t bother with the “Augmented” edition available here in the states, you want the real collectors edition, available only in “select European countries” I could only find the PC CE from Amazon.de and eBay, but they can be found for the consoles more readily if that’s what floats your boat:

Now that is more like it, I recently purchased the Play Arts Kai Big Boss from the Peace Walker line up and it rocks, so this was a no brainer for me. the rest of the content looks good as well, I am a sucker for the design from Human Revolution so far which gives that art book a little extra value to boot.

Ironic that a game whose cyberpunk setting gives us the opportunity to play as a spec ops hacker ends up being illegally obtained and distributed in such a garden variety way. A highly trained rogue ex-GIS agent infiltrating the magazine offices and securing the files would have been much more appropriate.

-Expatriategamer

A man from another time, Duke Nukem Forever

First things first, there was no way this was ever going to live up to the hype, we all knew that and I like to hope most had tempered their expectations accordingly, some things however cannot be attributed to unrealistic expectations.

Duke Nukem Forever (abbr. DNF, often used to shorten Did Not Finish, no irony lost on me there.) could have and damn well should have been a fun and funny, self deprecating, nostalgic romp to gaming’s storied past, as vapid but enjoyable as The Expendables. Had DNF been developed in the last couple of years, that may well have been the case. However having now played portions of the game on both 360 and PC, I assure you it’s just the opposite.

Like an old man at the most popular club in town trying to pick up young girls with the same come-ons he was using in 1981, DNF is out of it’s league. There are many things wrong here but the most glaring is it’s opinion of itself. Unbelievably DNF actually takes itself too seriously. trying to walk the line between evoking the adolescent giggles of it’s past while still being offensive, all you end up with is interactive urination and triple, lactating alien breasts. . . yeah. . .

There really isn’t much more to say, Duke’s once memorable one liners have been reduced to a gimmick that is more embarrassing than it is funny, but awful as the setting and attitude may be, if the underlying game was good enough it would have likely served to lift those aspects out of the mire. As it is however, beyond a very fleeting glimpse of enjoyable action, the core game mechanics just don’t cut it, the shooting feels canned and awkward, your opponents wooden and threatless, the pacing. . . . non-existent, it’s as though the list of “Things the Fans wanted out of a Duke Nukem Sequel” somehow  got mixed up with “10 things not to put in your Action Game” everything from imposing “realistic” weapons restrictions (you can only carry two at a time) to a needlessly punishing underwater level.

I understand the impetus for finishing DNF but the whole project just screams: “Too many hands in the pot!” Gearbox Software and 3D Realms would have saved a lot of face had they let DNF die with dignity.

Duke Nukem is a man from another time and Duke Nukem Forever does nothing to soften his transition from 1996 to 2011

-Expatriategamer

Dropping stealth bombs

From its radar deterring matte paint finish, the polygonal intakes and it’s pointed aggressive exterior we all know the Lamborghini Reventón was designed as an homage to Lockheed’s F-117 Nighthawk and F-22 Raptor.

This then seems oddly out of character, like painting one of the aforementioned fuselages with classic WWII style shark teeth, it’s unnecessary and contradicts the original design of the car. that having been said:

Take that in for a moment, I’ll wait. . . . .

Aftermarket wheels. on a Reventón. Whether this was actually a baller Reventón owner swapping out those carbon fiber finned, brake cooling “stock” wheels, or a lucky-break promo shoot set up by ADV.1 I don’t know and frankly? I don’t care, it takes serious balls to consider aftermarket wheels on a 1/20 Lamborghini that is worth ~US$2 mil on the secondary exotic car market.

But the payoff is huge, it’s undoubtedly not for everyone, but the satin finish centers on those matte black lips, especially with the depth in the back. I just love the contrast between the aggressive, angular exterior and the softer lines of this particular set of wheels. Besides, old news or not, it’s another reason to look at a Reventón.

See the full gallery Here

-Expatriategamer

Wii me and Wii U

The pre-E3 Wii 2 announcement hype was discovered to be accurate after Nintendo’s E3 press conference earlier, the cornerstone of their presentation being the first solid details of the Wii successor console, unbelievably named, the Wii U.

Coming in hot is the potentially revolutionary Tablet/Handheld/Touch Screen/Control pad hybrid pictured above. Slated to be a new way of interacting with the console TV experience it’s primary functions and uses can be seen at length by following the links below. Interesting though that info may be I wanted to use this space to voice an initial concern of mine with how the new tabletpad is going to figure into your next Nintendo gaming experience.

Firstly a little clarification: I consider this Nintendo’s current gen console. It finally has HD video out, decent graphical chops (although lack of details on the exact hardware and the diminutive size of the console would lead me to believe that said chops won’t end up exceeding the competition) and a fully formed network service, this just feels like Nintendo have finally caught up rather than begun the next wave of Console hardware.

What I don’t understand is why Nintendo is making such an effort to bring it’s fan base out of the experience of actually playing it’s games, I consider the ideal multi-screen situation to have been solved by PC gaming quite some time ago; two or more monitors of similar size, oriented however you choose, admittedly PC gaming has not taken as much advantage of this as they could, MMOs allowing maps, inventory screens, status’ and chat logs as floating HUD items movable to other screens for instance, would be fantastic. The reason that this works so well is because you have your workspace (the monitors) and your input devices (mouse, keyboard, game pad, tablet etc.) separate from one another, making it easy to focus on your output without having to look in your lap every 30 seconds to make sure you’re hitting the right buttons.

Between the Kinect and now the Wii U (is that name really as awful as I think it is?) we have multiple options of focusing less on being immersed in our games and more on how to execute commands. In short the idea of dividing my attention between a poorly laid out, overly large secondary screen and my TV doesn’t sound like a way to increase my enjoyment or elevate the experience of playing the games I love.

Like putting glasses on to watch a movie at the cinema, the Wii U comes off as just another obstacle in between my mind and the space marine, effeminate swordsman, silent soldier or grizzled cowboy I’m trying to play.

Until I get hands on time with one of these in a home environment (or until Metal Gear Solid U is announced) I’ll stick with my TV and gamepad thanks.

Check out the Nintendo Presscon and Gamespot’s Wii U details

-Expatriategamer

Accidental hipster

So I’ve done it, I have been in the US for around three years now and I just bought my first Starbucks album.

The coffee counter, usually filled with indie music and pop singles was refreshingly different with todays Eddie Vedder: Ukulele Songs next to a newly released Roy Orbison collection. my decision to buy Eddies latest was based on my appreciation for the man as an artist from his Pearl Jam days and my frankly astounding love for 2007’s Into the Wild soundtrack. I am taking time to write this on my lunch break at work so I haven’t yet had a chance to listen to it but I look forward to hearing more of the trademark baritone alongside his uke stylings.

If you have never seen or heard Into the Wild I recommend it highly, without doubt my favourite film of 2007 made all the better by Vedders score.

For an insight into the type of music I spend most of my time listening to, check out a band I was pointed towards recently: Powerwolf

-Expatriategamer

The prelude to warfare

Not a lot to say here, we all knew it was coming, and we all knew it would be good, and we all know the actual game could be crap. see below for the reveal trailer for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. (720p is good for your eyes)

For your time you get a meaty crescendo and a healthy splashing of modern destruction in an international city near you! I have to commend them for going a little nuts with the story here, it sounds like we’re talking WWIII and why not? I will keep my reservations in check for this one but you can’t say they haven’t put out a damn fine trailer.

Worthy of note is the considerably improved animations seen here, mainly from outside the familiar 1st person perspective, scripted or not that grenade toss midway through the trailer looks nice and fluid with a healthy degree of the idiosyncrasy that is usually lacking in motion capture.

-Expatriategamer

2 more reasons to want an NA Miata

phot credits to Justin Arruda

I posted earlier 5 examples of NA Miatas that I think should sway anyone’s tastes to the little Japanese roadster that could, I am seeing more and more coverage on damn fine examples of these cars, so here is two more that I thought deserved a little attention

L.A. Noire > first impressions

So I have just finished my first couple hours with L.A. Noire. Something I intend to be doing a whole lot more of in the coming weeks, so far? so brilliant.

Firstly, the atmosphere is exactly where you want it, firmly in the realm of film noir and classic detective tales, it feels like there’s something to bite into. I get the impression Phelps is a complex man and I look forward to playing through the rest of his tale. from what I can tell the story is divided out in episodes of game play, cases if you will, with a deliciously 40’s title displayed on screen at the beginning of each one, you go through the motions, listen to and watch the cutscene, start investigating, gather clues, question someone, drive somewhere, chase down a bad guy and interrogate him till he confesses. but this is a routine I could very much get used to, this game wants you to pay attention to detail, from my session the investigating and especially the interrogations are an engaging and nuanced system. In short it’s a stimulating mechanic made all the better by it’s presentation

Yeah, that's Brian Krause and yes it's in-game but it still doesn't do it justice.

Let’s get this straight: L.A. Noire has the best real time facial animation ever implemented. that is all there is to it, accept no substitutes. If you have this game and haven’t done so yet, in the very first case, pick up the newspaper in the alley and watch the first story. The nuance and variation in the animation of the professors face is spell binding, the subtle flexion and sinew of the neck, the creasing forehead, the analytical look in his eyes. I am more impressed by the implementation of the actors performance than the performance itself, the difference in quality here would have been like us going directly from Phonograph to MP3 back in the 1900’s. it’s the most innovative thing I have ever seen, it really needs to be seen in real time to be appreciated, something about the example videos online just don’t cut it.

Also, licensed arms and automobiles? the first patrol car you have access to is a ’47 Ford 4 door Police special, we’re talking American Graffiti here kids, it’s just the sort of authenticity that a game like this needs to succeed. all in all if you’re reading this and haven’t already, go out and buy it, it won’t win over the action lover in you, but if you have any interest in something different that will be a game changer from here on out (pun Intended) you ought to take a look at L.A. Noire

-Expatriategamer

If you happen to own it on PS3 as I do, I suggest you wait for the PSN to come back online before attempting to access the DLC store, as it will lock up your console good and proper. this has been a public service announcement.